My life has been what I would call "crazy-busy." Busy-ness annoys me. The activities don't annoy me, but my inability to put more activities into the mix frustrates me because sometimes I wish I could do it all!
A big problem I have with my busy-ness is feeling that I can't be all things to all people. I love people. I am blessed with lots of friends. My family lives away from me, so that allows me to put more time into the lives of friends, but the older I get, the more my friends multiply--either by me gaining friends or by my friends physically multiplying with children.
My friends' lives have become more complicated, so then everyone's time is squeezed into little slots balanced around a careful network of schedules. That's what I really hate. Because when we compare schedules and times of events, we are having to see what we place most importance on. "Let's see--a 50th birthday is weighted more heavily than a 1st, because the kid might not remember if you were there or not--and the 50th will have better food..." Sad, but sometimes those are my thought processes (better food always is the trump card).
I truly believe that we all make time for what we want to do. At any time, God can come in and shake our life where we realize that He is in control. Life circumstances can change instantly--and suddenly, those "so-important" events no longer are so important. God never tells anybody, "Wait a minute. Ugh! I am so busy! My schedule is crazy! Have you been watching the news? I've been trying to answer all these prayers, and it's just too much!"
I have to model my life after Jesus--especially where he pulls away. I know it's a major characteristic of my overly sanguine personality to be energized by people, but to also need to recharge fully when alone--so I'm not sure if everyone has to do this.
I am a single woman--and sometimes feel guilty if I am not giving my time serving other people, but then some time has to be alloted to taking care of my family of one--I am the bread-winner, garbage taker-outer, dishwasher, laundry-doer, finance fixer, grocery-buyer, and then I squeeze in phone-time with long-distance family and friends, exercising, etc.--and I have to check myself to make sure I am truly laying my burdens down. I will get overloaded with others issues and a desire to be all things to all people, and pretty much save the world. I can't be that. It's exhausting. I have to be me--the me God created me to be. And you have to be you--the God created you to be!
Anyway. Last weekend, I spent some time with friends, but was blessed with time alone at the same time. We drove up to Lake Belton and only spent time looking at the lake on our drive out. I had time to be alone with God in the newly added room to my friend's parents' garage. It had a comfy bed, an a/c, and a nice bathroom--all I needed. I rested. I slept longer than necessary. I took some time and pet a cat. I floated in a pool. It was a very blessed time.
So, I'm going through my season of activity with the peace and calmness that ultimately, God is in control. I am just given the blessing to attend. But it's not necessary for me to attend everything I am honored to be invited to. But it is necessary for me to have time alone with God.
Note: My only other mental solution was to clone myself and then have meetings to debrief with all my selves. I'm so glad God prompted me for a different solution.
2nd Note: I need to reread this post often because this is a repeated life struggle of being me.
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