Happy Little Trees

I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not teach others to fly.
A burp is not an answer.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
I will not sell miracle cures.
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
I am not deliciously saucy.
There are plenty of businesses like show business.

--I might be able to apply some of the above to my work environment. Hmmmm...