Happy Little Trees

Wow. I think I’m scheduled to go on a cruise.

Last night, I started preparing by doing a self-tanner test. I tried a new creation from the self-tanner wonders at Loreal. This morning, I woke up and thought that maybe I had a skin disease or something, and then I remembered that I went to sleep right after my at-home spray tan. I sort of look like a white and tan tobiano.

Not being able to get a tan has affected my entire life. One summer, I went to the city-pool a lot with my friend, Holli. Holli was one of the kids that could argue on the playground that she had 1/16 Indian blood (we weren’t PC then). But the little girl with the last name “Whitehorse” always beat everybody out, because she had old black and white pictures of her granddad wearing a headdress. Anyway. Holli had a year-round tan that developed into a very dark brown through the summer. She played in the pool never worrying about things like sunscreen or sunburn.

Even as a child, I had a fear of staying in the sun for too long. It’s like I have an internal timer that puts panic inside of me if I’m outside with too little SPF. In as little as fifteen minutes, I’m cooked to a painful pink.

Why is it that most African-Americans want to be lighter and Caucasians want to be darker? Are we both trying to look more Hispanic? Is this J.Lo’s fault?

My friend, Jonah, and his bro, Aaron, rented a car back in the fall when they came to Houston. There was a CD that was left in the car. It was a Houston rapper by the name of Mike Jones. They were amused because each and every song has Mike Jones repeating his name.

Last night at Young Life, a kid was standing in the corner after everything was over. He was kind of staring off into space when I heard him say, “Mike Jones.” It was like I heard E.F. Hutton or something. Talk about effective advertising.

I’m posting his site, but haven’t really tested the lyrics on cleanliness. Check out his website and see how many times you can count “Mike Jones.” The winner will receive a free piece of cake at the My Super Sweet Sixteen Times Two Bash.
http://www.whomikejones.com/.

My favorite candy used to be Nerds. I feel guilty for saying “used to be” like I’m being unfaithful or something. I could down a box in about 5 minutes. Sweet, sour, crunchy, and fabulous. I even figured out that if you talk into the box, you sound like you’re giving a radio transmitted message (fyi, this was when I was much, much younger—I’m way more mature now). I probably could have been a few inches taller if I was eating something more nutritious than Nerds.

Then, about four years ago, I discovered truffles. They are pretty amazing. The best ones are from Chocolate du Monde in Rice Village. I like expensive chocolate. Why waste calories on Hershey’s? After eating the real deal, the supermarket stuff sometimes tastes like wax.

What happened to the Beth that was obsessed with sweettarts and candy that made your eyes squinch and the back of your jaws ache? Am I a choc-o-holic now?

Not quite. I am still not into chocolate cake or ice cream. And that’s a good point to remember as we count down to the biggest event of the year…my Super Sweet Sixteen Times Two!!

My co-workers have leftover Valentine M&Ms just sitting in a clear container for everybody to eat. I want to eat them. But I'm not going to. So, I've been taking off the clear top, and smelling them.

Oh dear. I am weird.

http://www.hlsr.com/.

The Houston Rodeo is back. Last night, the sky was aglow with the lights from Reliant Stadium. And I could actually here muffled music in my apartment from the show.

I haven't been to the rodeo in several years. I don't know if I want to go or not. It's stinky. The traffic is atrocious. And I really don't like feeling nervous as I watch the riders on the bulls and the bucking broncos. It's scary. It brings back too many memories of the movie 8 Seconds and Lane Frost.

But, Sheryl Crow will be there this year. And I really like Sheryl Crow. But then again, at the rodeo, the artist is way, way, way down in the center and the closest seats still make the performer look like as tiny as a horsefly. If you have a free Sheryl Crow ticket, let me know, and I'll go with you. I'll pay for parking. ;)

Esprit used to have an ad campaign about how some cool person would change the world. I always wished I could come up with something cool like the people in the ads.

But I’ve been thinking about it this week. And this is what I got:

1) Work weeks would be 35 hours for full time, instead of 40.
2) Everyone would get 6 weeks of vacation a year—not just teachers (who really deserve about 12).
3) Splenda would be outlawed. That stuff tastes horrible, and it has to be cancer causing or something.
4) Reality T.V. shows could only last for one season. They’re kind of like Rocky movies. The first few are really good, and then they start getting a little weird. Where will Survivor Twenty be? Probably in eastern Kentucky.
5) Companies would stop providing health insurance, and people would buy it on their own. The costs would be comparable to car insurance and kind of function like car insurance companies. The competition between companies would create lower costs. And then, independent workers could afford it. Right now, the cost is so high if your job doesn’t pay for it; I think a lot of people who would start their own businesses are discouraged, because health insurance cost is too high. The American dream is dying.
6) Starbucks would have a tasty competitor.
7) Older people in our society would be more respected instead of our culture being so youth-centered. I don’t know how to change that. Maybe with reality shows about senior citizens instead of twenty-somethings? The Real World Miami filmed in a nursing home?

Okay, maybe not all good ideas.

I’ve been having withdrawal symptoms for UK basketball. It’s really hard to catch one of the games living in Texas. I was never a huge “I Bleed Blue!” fan, but I still like to support the team. I didn’t really know anything about their record this year until Abby started talking about how great A&M was this year. Basically I told her, let the Big 12 just stick to football and leave basketball to the SEC.

Anyway, Abby was right about UK’s sad record this year. Last night, the Wildcats were playing LSU at home. LSU played like Kentucky used to play—confident. The score was LSU 21 to UK 6 when I had stop watching. Who in the world were these players for Kentucky? And didn’t they know who they were? They were playing for Kentucky: the Barbeque and Basketball Capitol of the World. See Moonlite Bar-B-Q: http://www.moonlite.com/.

I called my mom. I told her I thought the team hadn’t been good since my granny passed away and was no longer praying for them. It’s kind of ironic how the time correlates.

My mom called me back to tell me that Kentucky had pulled through and won the game! LSU 63; UK 70. I realize that LSU’s record this year isn’t great, but I think Kentucky really needed to win. My mom said, “Never give up.” She’s such a cheerleader.

Kentucky needs basketball. It’s something that gives pride to everyone in the state. Kentuckians are made fun of all around the world for chicken, the derby, not wearing shoes, and other things I won’t mention. So we embrace basketball. And we’re good at it.