I'm getting married. I've been praying about being married for about 100 years.
When I was pre-twenties, I assumed I would be married by about 25. I never had dreams of my wedding, but I thought I would be married one day--not sure to who that was going to be, but I thought it would just happen.
In my early twenties, I had many friends get married. Most of them married college sweethearts. I never had any college sweetheart of sorts, but I had a great college life. God took me on many adventures.
In my late twenties, I was recovering from my dad's death and heartache and thought about marriage, but didn't obsess over it. I had moved to a city with lots of single people where being single as a late-twenty-something was not abnormal.
In my early thirties, I started thinking about things a bit more seriously, and wondered if I would ever be married. I started a SWPW group (Single Women Prayer Warriors). Our goal was to pray for our husbands each week, and the ultimate goal was to have no one show up because everyone would be on a date. Through the next several years, it felt like most of those ladies in the group married--minus myself.
In my mid/later thirties, I would ride the wave of doubt, acceptance, frustration, jealousy, and contentment. It was hard. Do you give up a desire you have to make the hurt go away? Or is your view supposed to be more of acceptance and thankfulness for the blessings of where you are?
When I was 20, I had a attended a missions conference where a speaker stated she had married at 40 and was so glad she waited. At that time, I said to God, "Please, Lord, no!!!" As I've gotten closer to 40, I thought maybe God was having me wait.
The last few years, God has refined me even more. He taught me not to make marriage an idol. He showed me how He could use me as a single in ways He could not if I was married. He has given me some amazing Godly women that helped me remember I wasn't single still because I was unwanted or ugly--because the single ladies around me were very much worthy and beautiful and loved the Lord deeply. He taught me that my relationship with Him is always first. I should not look at myself as unworthy, but I should be careful with the men that I let in my life. If they didn't respect my God or know Him and love Him, I did not need to flirt with letting them close to me. Nothing is worth sacrificing my relationship with God.
The days before I got a text from my now fiance, I spent them with a dear friend who had a special love for her recently deceased spouse. I also spent time with a friend who is a young mom and witnessed her youngest child's first steps. And I spent time with a couple I knew as they were newlyweds and got to see their family function with their three children. It was a great time. It was kind of like God revealed to me that the idea of love and family didn't have to be foreign to me. Sometimes as singles it seems like a very far away concept. It doesn't take a special degree or revelation, but it does take great commitment, patience, and prayer.
I was able to spend some time praying and confessing the desires of my heart while being thankful to God for where I was. And knowing that no matter what the circumstances, the Lord, my maker, is my true husband and protector.
Like God does best, He blessed me without me being able to predict His steps. He has lovingly provided me the gift of a fiance. And in one month from today, I will be married. A new adventure with my Savior and my husband will begin!
I will keep praying for my husband, but now he has a face, a name, and stinky socks (sorry, Paul!). :) Thank you, God, for bringing me, Paul. Thank you, God, for sustaining me single, married, or whatever. I love you, Lord.
When I was pre-twenties, I assumed I would be married by about 25. I never had dreams of my wedding, but I thought I would be married one day--not sure to who that was going to be, but I thought it would just happen.
In my early twenties, I had many friends get married. Most of them married college sweethearts. I never had any college sweetheart of sorts, but I had a great college life. God took me on many adventures.
In my late twenties, I was recovering from my dad's death and heartache and thought about marriage, but didn't obsess over it. I had moved to a city with lots of single people where being single as a late-twenty-something was not abnormal.
In my early thirties, I started thinking about things a bit more seriously, and wondered if I would ever be married. I started a SWPW group (Single Women Prayer Warriors). Our goal was to pray for our husbands each week, and the ultimate goal was to have no one show up because everyone would be on a date. Through the next several years, it felt like most of those ladies in the group married--minus myself.
In my mid/later thirties, I would ride the wave of doubt, acceptance, frustration, jealousy, and contentment. It was hard. Do you give up a desire you have to make the hurt go away? Or is your view supposed to be more of acceptance and thankfulness for the blessings of where you are?
When I was 20, I had a attended a missions conference where a speaker stated she had married at 40 and was so glad she waited. At that time, I said to God, "Please, Lord, no!!!" As I've gotten closer to 40, I thought maybe God was having me wait.
The last few years, God has refined me even more. He taught me not to make marriage an idol. He showed me how He could use me as a single in ways He could not if I was married. He has given me some amazing Godly women that helped me remember I wasn't single still because I was unwanted or ugly--because the single ladies around me were very much worthy and beautiful and loved the Lord deeply. He taught me that my relationship with Him is always first. I should not look at myself as unworthy, but I should be careful with the men that I let in my life. If they didn't respect my God or know Him and love Him, I did not need to flirt with letting them close to me. Nothing is worth sacrificing my relationship with God.
The days before I got a text from my now fiance, I spent them with a dear friend who had a special love for her recently deceased spouse. I also spent time with a friend who is a young mom and witnessed her youngest child's first steps. And I spent time with a couple I knew as they were newlyweds and got to see their family function with their three children. It was a great time. It was kind of like God revealed to me that the idea of love and family didn't have to be foreign to me. Sometimes as singles it seems like a very far away concept. It doesn't take a special degree or revelation, but it does take great commitment, patience, and prayer.
I was able to spend some time praying and confessing the desires of my heart while being thankful to God for where I was. And knowing that no matter what the circumstances, the Lord, my maker, is my true husband and protector.
Like God does best, He blessed me without me being able to predict His steps. He has lovingly provided me the gift of a fiance. And in one month from today, I will be married. A new adventure with my Savior and my husband will begin!
I will keep praying for my husband, but now he has a face, a name, and stinky socks (sorry, Paul!). :) Thank you, God, for bringing me, Paul. Thank you, God, for sustaining me single, married, or whatever. I love you, Lord.
